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Dealing with a clingy toddler

At around nine months of age, your toddler may start to suffer from very bad separation anxiety. So even if you are only absent for a few minutes, she’ll still get upset and cling to you when you return. This stage can sometimes last well into the second year.

Why is my toddler so clingy?

You’re the most important person in your child’s life, and she fears what might happen if you’re not there and she’s left with strangers. This is a completely natural stage in your child’s development, but it may become a little bit awkward to deal with on a day to day basis. Anxious toddlers can be very emotional, and sometimes need to literally cling on to you.

Build up feelings of security and reassurance

The key to building your child’s feelings of security is giving lots of love and attention, and helping your child know that you’re not going to just disappear without telling her you’re about to go.

It’s important to follow through on these words with your actions. So even though goodbyes can sometimes be upsetting it’s important to face up to them. If you start avoiding them and sneaking away, your child will begin to feel more and more insecure.

Managing your child’s anxieties when they’re not with you

It will help your child if she’s had a chance to get to know a carer first before she’s left with them. Spend some time together with the carer and your child to build your child’s confidence – so she doesn’t feel scared of this ‘strange’ person. When you do finally leave, keep the first few separations as short as possible and reassure your child you’ll be coming back at a specific time.

If your toddler is starting to resemble a piece of Velcro, and is constantly physically holding onto your leg, stay calm and carry on with what you’re doing. She should eventually become more relaxed, and find it’s not really practical for her to constantly hold on to you.

Encourage them to become independent

It’s important to gently reassure your child in her quest to be independent. If you indulge in clinginess and never leave her with others, you’ll be creating more problems for the future. You want to encourage your child to feel secure and confident when left with someone else.