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Men can feel pregnant too

Are you experiencing a sympathetic pregnancy?

Have you gained weight since your partner became pregnant? Do you sympathise with morning sickness because you’re nauseous too? Perhaps you’re even secretly throwing up at work? If so, you could have some of the symptoms of a sympathetic pregnancy.

Aren’t sympathetic pregnancies a myth?

Sympathetic pregnancies have been subject to medical research and they’ve been found to be absolutely real. Some studies say 10% of expectant fathers are affected, others say it’s as high as 65%.

The realisation that this is a real illness can come as a great relief to men who’ve been suffering in silence, trying to deny that any problem exists. Sympathetic pregnancies are also known as ‘Couvade Syndrome’. The word couvade comes from the French ‘couver’, meaning ‘to hatch’.

Couvade Syndrome in tribal communities

Couvade Syndrome was originally identified in isolated tribal communities, and is still seen even today. The father will imitate the behaviours of his partner at the time of birth, including food restrictions, birth pains, post-birth seclusion and sex taboos.

It’s believed that Couvade Syndrome in tribal communities is used as a way to reduce sexual differences during the pregnancy and birthing experience. It may also help to establish the father’s role in the child’s life and balance to the roles of the mother and father.

An earlier theory suggests that Couvade Syndrome was evidence of male envy, and it’s certainly more common where female status is high and where sex roles are flexible.

Couvade Syndrome in Western society

For men in Western communities, Couvade Syndrome represents more of a potential problem. There‘s no widespread recognition of the syndrome, and certainly no ritualised inclusion of it in the birthing process. It can be a very difficult experience for any man. How can you tell work colleagues you need to lie down due to morning sickness? And how would your partner react to claims of food cravings or abdominal pain? Accusations could start to fly of an attempt to steal the limelight.

What are the symptoms?

The symptoms of Couvade Syndrome can occur at anytime, although most appear in the third month and again at delivery. They mimic all of the normal symptoms of pregnancy and can include:

• mood swings.
• fatigue.
• dizziness.
• leg cramps.
• nausea.
• vomiting.
• abdominal pain.
• cravings.

What can you do if you think you may have Couvade Syndrome?

The most important thing to remember is that Couvade Syndrome has been identified as a real medical problem. Getting to the root of the cause can help to reduce or get rid of the syndrome completely. You’re not alone in your problems, and your GP will be able to help you to minimise them.

So what could be causing Couvade Syndrome for you?

Jealousy

It’s very normal to feel jealousy and resentment towards your unborn child, especially if this is your first child together. It’s been just the two of you and now things are going to change. But mixed with the jealousy, it’s probable you will have feelings of guilt. After all, this is your unborn innocent child.

To relieve these feelings, try to become more involved in the pregnancy. As a couple, you’re bringing life into the world, and half the baby’s genetic make-up will be yours. You too can build your special relationship with your baby, even during pregnancy.

Be involved with your baby’s routines. When the baby starts to kick or push out feet and elbows, be around to rest your hand on her belly and share the experience.

You can also talk to the bump. You could even create a soothing playlist of music for your baby. It’s been shown that the right sort of music can stimulate development in the womb.

Read about what’s happening and start to build a bond with your baby as a real person with whom you’ll have your own special father-child relationship. Remember that dads are just as important as mums during the entire process.

Your personal history

If you were adopted, or if you and your partner have experienced infertility, you could be more likely to experience Couvade Syndrome. If you think this may be the reason for your problems, talk it through with your partner if you can. Otherwise, you can approach a close friend or family member, or your GP. Just talking things through can often help to ease problems.

Fears about becoming a father

All sorts of fears around the emotional, physical and financial aspects of fatherhood will come up. It’s only natural. Having a child will change your life completely so, especially if it’s your first child, you’re experiencing the ‘fear of the unknown’.

These fears can be minimised by learning more about what to expect, learning the skills you’ll need and taking some one-to-one advice.

Take a class and learn how to bathe, feed, change and hold your baby. Reading books is also a good idea, but actually talking to other fathers is the ideal way to get more information about what to expect and how to plan for it.

You’ll find that there are few fathers who would not say that it’s the greatest experience they’ve ever had.

Financial worries

There’s no doubt that having a child will have a change on how you spend your money. If you are concerned, get active.

Start to find out what your baby will need on a weekly or monthly basis and how much it will cost. Find out the average costs of the essentials, like clothes and nappies and those one-off buys like a crib or a pram. Then sit down and work out your budget.

Friends and family are always keen to help, so let people know what you need – people would always rather buy you something useful. You may be offered items friends and family no longer need, like cots or cribs. Accept these offers of help if you need them.

Problems with your sexual relationship

Another cause of Couvade Syndrome can be problems in your sexual relationship. Some pregnant women lose interest in sex, and it can be due to the fact that they feel that they are becoming ‘fat’ or unattractive.

Take some time to genuinely reassure her that her changing body is still sexually attractive to you and that the changes to her body have nothing to do with ‘getting fat’ and everything to do with creating life.

Be attentive and give compliments, but avoid applying any pressure to have sex. If your partner’s feeling relaxed and comfortable about her changing shape, it’s far more likely to happen naturally.

If your partner has been advised to avoid sexual intercourse for medical reasons, talk to the doctor about what her body can experience. You may still be able to pleasure each other in other ways that don’t pose any risks.

Hormones

Recent studies have revealed that a man living with a pregnant woman will experience shifts in the hormones, prolactin, cortisol, estrogen and testosterone.

These shifts typically start at the end of the first trimester and continue for several weeks after the baby is delivered. So it’s possible that you could simply be reacting to your partner’s hormones.

Can’t find the reason?

If you can’t easily discover the reason why you have Couvade Syndrome, it‘s a good idea to talk about your feelings and fears. Ideally, talk things through with your partner.

If this isn’t possible, try talking to a friend or family member you trust. You can always visit your GP to talk. They are there to help with emotional questions as well as physical ones.

Is there a good side to Couvade Syndrome?

Dads who are affected by sympathetic pregnancy are in many ways more connected with their partner. They’ve experienced some of the emotional and physical stresses of pregnancy, which allow them to be far more sympathetic to their partner’s needs.