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Practical tips for when your baby’s just arrived

You’ve made it through the exciting and tiring process of labour, and now you’re ready to bring your baby home. So what sort of experiences should you expect in the first three months, and how can you best cope with the changes you’re going through?

Prepare yourself for a huge change

There’s no doubt about it, the first month with a new baby will be a steep learning curve. Your baby needs your care and attention virtually 24 hours a day, and if it’s your first baby you’ll be learning new skills all the time. Changing, feeding, holding and bathing are all new challenges you’ll be faced with. If you work out the best way to do these things together it will help you to further develop the bond between you and your partner, as well as with your baby.

Give yourself permission to be a novice

Until you’ve had your first child, you probably won’t have learned how to care for a young baby. Give yourself permission to get a few things wrong, or for some skills to take a bit of time to learn. Efficient nappy changes and holding your baby with confidence are skills that will take you time to develop.

Practical planning

Most of today’s dads are needed, right from day one, to be involved in caring for their new baby. In the months leading up to labour you’ve probably been collecting together everything you’ll need for your new baby. To make sure you haven’t forgotten anything, here’s a handy checklist of all the essential items you’ll need when you bring your baby home:

• A pram or a ‘travel system’. Of course, it’s still possible to buy a traditional pram, but it’s now quite common for parents to choose modern travel systems. These easy-folding systems allow you to let your baby lie flat as a newborn, then swivel round to new positions as your baby grows. The seat can also convert into a car seat.
• Highchair.
• Bouncy chair.
• Moses basket.
• Cot .
• Bedding set for the cot.
• Baby monitor.
• Steriliser for feeding equipment.
• Breastmilk expresser.
• Bibs.
• Nappies.
• Baby wipes.
• Change bag.
• Change mat.
• Bodysuits and sleepsuits.

What to expect in the first month

New experiences

Don’t feel embarrassed if there are things you don’t know about looking after a new baby. Invest in a few good baby books to help you to learn about your baby’s development and physical requirements.

Build a bond

The key thing you’re doing in the first month is building an emotional bond with your new baby. If you can find a way to comfortably hold your baby and burp him, you’re making a really good start.

Start talking

You can also start to communicate with your baby verbally. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t yet understand what you say; he’ll find the sound of your deeper voice soothing. Hold him in your lap and look into his eyes, and then speak or sing softly to him. This is a great first step in building what will be a lifelong relationship.

Take the stress off your partner

You can expect your partner to be very tired for a while after giving birth. Labour is emotionally and physically exhausting, and your partner may also have some stitches or other medical problems she’s recovering from.

It’s the father’s role at this time to take on the household chores, cook dinners and do as much as possible to take any extra stress away from his partner. Encourage your partner to take plenty of rest, and to sleep when the baby does.

Ask for advice

If you or your partner feel you need some outside support or advice don’t be afraid to ask for it from friends and relatives or your doctor, midwife or Public Health Nurse.

What to expect in the second month

A clearer schedule

In the second month you’ll probably start to have a clearer schedule worked out, and things will feel a little less chaotic.

A developing personality

Your baby is probably starting to become more of his own person, with little traits appearing that you recognise. You may now be able to tell the difference between a cry for food and a need for a nappy change. You’ll probably also find that your baby is much more active and alert when he’s awake.

Keep on bonding with your baby

It’s important to carry on building the bond between you, and to find time when you can just be with your baby without any interference. Continue to hold and soothe him and to speak and sing to him.

Support your partner

Many new mums feel anxious about the skills they need to learn to take care of their baby, so tell your partner that you appreciate everything she’s doing and she’s doing a great job. Continue to help with looking after the house and with the baby, while encouraging your partner to take plenty of rest.

Take it one step at a time

It’s possible that you’re now beginning to feel very tired and stretched as you try to balance all your responsibilities to both home and family. Give yourself time to adjust to the changes you’re experiencing. In time, you’ll become far more confident in your parenting skills and far more able to cope with the demands being made of you.

Talk to other dads

It’s important to talk with others about what you’re experiencing. More experienced dads are a really good resource for advice and support. If you’re starting to feel too overloaded or stressed, make sure you talk about it. Speak with your partner if possible. If you feel you’re developing a more serious problem, such as depression, speak with your GP.

What to expect in the third month

Think about your baby’s world

Take the time to think about how the world must appear to your baby. For nine months his experience of the world was quite different. His every need was met automatically and naturally by your partner’s body. Feeding and all other bodily functions were met without any effort.

Now, the world is a very different place. Your baby has to communicate his needs to you, but he doesn’t know how. He’s got to learn as much as you do and at times his experience of the world will be satisfying and pleasant. At other times his experience will be difficult, stressful and frustrating, leading him to cry and generally behave unhappily.

Get some rest

You may now have reached a point of real exhaustion, as the lack of sleep begins to take its toll. Try and get some proper rest. Even if you pride yourself on having plenty of energy, these are exceptional circumstances – give yourself permission to take some time out.

Keep the bond strong

You may find that your partner’s bond with the baby has unavoidably grown to be stronger than yours. However, don’t let this prevent you from still holding and soothing your baby as much as you feel you want to.

Your baby will enjoy being held by you and will know that you are different to his mum. He’ll be aware of your bigger hands, deeper voice and different smell, and he’ll be reassured by your love and care for him.

Your involvement in his life is crucial for his future development. You are helping to prepare him for the future, stimulating social skills and problem solving abilities that will stand him in good stead throughout his life.

Plan your time

Think carefully about how you spend your time with your family. Make an arrangement to spend some time with just you and your baby together to help you to keep the bonds between you strong. Also plan some family time when you all go for a walk, or bath your baby together.

You and your partner will also need some time alone. Make sure you get the balance right. If you spend a whole day away from the house then your partner deserves the same amount of time away another weekend.

Don’t forget to spend some time alone together as well. Arrange for a babysitter and go out together, even if it’s only for a few hours. It’s vital to your relationship and can help to prevent tensions becoming blown out of proportion.