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Practical tips for new dads to get the most out of fatherhood

What to expect in the fourth month

Changes to your relationship

There can be no question that the experience of pregnancy and giving birth is an intense one for any couple. The daily needs of your baby will now form the centre of your relationship.

It’s important to accept that your relationship will never go back to quite the way it used to be. Spend time together now to work out how your ‘new’ relationship works. With time and patience your relationship can become just as intimate and satisfying as it was before.

Changes to your sex life

You may also have found that your sexual relationship has changed radically since the arrival of your new baby. There’s often not enough time or energy for parents to share the kind of sex life one or both partners ideally want.

Another factor in the changes to your sex life is that a new mother’s body secretes a hormone that actively reduces her level of sexual desire. This is a biological function that allows the mother’s attention and emotional energies to stay totally focused on the infant.

Many new dads also find it difficult to talk about the changes to their sex life with their partner. However, if you possibly can find a way it’s a good idea to discuss together the changes you are experiencing as honestly and as sensitively as you can.

Discuss ways of keeping your sex life alive. If your partner is not keen on penetrative sex, reassure her that you are happy to do other things instead – if she is. Perhaps you can enjoy other types of stimulation together, such as oral sex or just cuddling and kissing?

Jealousy

In the early months of fatherhood new dads often feel jealous of their new babies. There is a loss of attention from your partner that can be very difficult to come to terms with. These feelings are perfectly normal, but it’s important that you address them for yourself.

At this stage your baby is helpless without the support of its parents, and it’s your partner’s natural instinct to give your baby most of her attention. As she grows, this need will decrease, and your partner will be able to give you more of her attention again.

Take time out to look after yourself

It’s important that you take some time out for yourself. Between work and family commitments you may be finding it difficult to get any time for yourself. Try going for a massage and sauna, or take a walk on your own for an hour to clear your head.

Developments you’ll notice in your baby

You may notice that your baby has discovered how to make sounds. It’s a development you can enjoy with your baby, as you experiment to find the sounds she responds to the most.

Her motor skills are improving rapidly, and your baby is enjoying trying to hold things. Encourage this by offering her toys to hold. Over the next few months you may also notice that she starts to pass the object from one hand to the other.

Your baby’s starting to take a first few steps, and Dad’s are often very good at encouraging this new ability. They can often hold the baby up for longer, giving her the chance to move her legs and practice first steps with the security of Dad’s strong arms to hold onto.

What to expect in the fifth month

Changes in how you see yourself and your own father

At the five month stage you may find you have more time for reflection on your new-found role as a dad. Becoming a dad can profoundly alter how you see yourself and the world around you. You may feel more on an equal footing with your own father, and have developed a new insight on your own upbringing.

You may start to reflect on the traditional male role as breadwinner and economic support for the family. Is this how you want your role as a father to be? Or would you rather be a more emotionally warm and available father, who spends less time at work and more time with his kids?

For many modern dads, fatherhood has become central to finding satisfaction and meaning in life. Explore your feelings and expectations, and take time to reflect on the kind of dad you’d like to be to your new baby.

Changes in your baby

Your baby’s visual abilities are improving rapidly. She’ll enjoy playing “peek-a-boo” with you, and will be delighted by watching you blow bubbles.